Being reflective is a mood that doesn’t strike often, but when it does, it leaves me out of place and unsettled.
My life has been changing quite dramatically, evolving into something new and foreign in so many ways. This past semester I feel I almost lost my place in my life. A couples relationships have started and ended, and for the first time in a long while I feel independent from the other half of “Sarah and Matt” who, until now, has been so much a part of me and who I am. The things I so heavily relied on in my life are gone, and I’ve been re-evaluating my emotions. Hindsight is proving to be a thoughtful persuasion. There is no doubt in my mind that I am a different person than I was a few months ago… And while I am not sure that I’m a better person than I was, I feel as if I’ve grown to be a wiser, more weathered person. My sense of home here in Houston, and with my family, has diluted further, and after I leave next week I don’t think that I will be coming back for a long while. I don’t have much to come back to, and I feel I am in a more nurturing, fresh environment in Boston. While I will always love Houston, I feel that my being here is just as destructive as it is constructive for my family. All of the relations between us are distorting and shifting, still waiting to see if at the end of the succession of stages is something comparable to a family.
But, all in all, I feel good. I feel alive, I feel I am finally my own person, independent of others, and because of it I feel I am constantly learning about myself.
I am growing out of my shell, into a new and bigger one.
“All change is a miracle to contemplate”